Wee Feast

Which would you rather: have something that’s 90% good, or work to take that already-good from 90% to 100%?

I would go for the 90% any time.

Perfectionism gets in the way of your accomplishments. It gets in the way of your time management. It makes you not a team player. Here’s what I think separates me from a perfectionist: I want to get things done. Yes, I research, think through, and weigh out options. But at the same time, I think there’s a point at which you have to let go.

I feel like I have friends that can’t finish a poem, coworkers that can’t send a brochure to press, and acquaintances that would love to start their own business but can’t settle on a name. Don’t be these people!

Perhaps it’s because I’m a big-picture person who likes to focus on the end result of things, the overall plan and goal. If you struggle with this, my two-pronged suggestion is humility and self-confidence. Here’s a rundown of each:

Humility: Remember that you’re not that different from most people on this earth, or really in the history of the civilized world. So why are you trying to prove yourself by making the most well-formatted bulleted list ever created? Why are you so important that your vision is keeping that report from other people? Or do you not have the skills to get something done, but you’re too arrogant to admit it? Hey buddy, bulleted lists were created to share information. So stop thinking you need to present it in some perfect way, and just be humble about it. Ask for help. Give people the info. End of story.

Self-assurance: Are you convinced that you will never be good enough, have valid opinions, be worthy of standing behind your final product? Your worth as a human and an employee is not tied to perfection, it’s tied to trying at all. Lots of people never step up to the plate, so by giving something a shot, you’re already ahead of the game. That’s all completing a project is, really. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself and start working on reminders that you have something to bring to the table. Write some Post-It notes about your inherent awesomeness and post them underneath your keyboard. Check them sneakily when you need a blast of self-assurance. Ask your teammates for a list of things they think you do well. Stop getting in your own way of success.

Now the hard part is to know when to be humble and when to be self-assured. I think the most accurate way to determine that is to ask yourself what you’re most afraid of, and that should lead you to the answer. Most perfectionism is caused by some kind of worry or fear that shows up in different ways in different people. Scared you have win? Practice humility. Scared you’re going to lose? Try self-assurance.

Any perfectionists or reformed perfectionists in the house? Tell us about it in the comments.

Alternate Title: He’s not as awesome as you think he is…but oh wait, he is

Christopher Sawyer-Laucanno’s biography of poet ee cummings (and yes, he addresses capitalizing and punctuating the author’s name in the book) is a combination life story and literary criticism. It’s tightly focused, detailed, let’s-examine-the-drafting-process-of-each-famous-poem, and nothing short of amazing if you are a Cummings fanatic. Hi, I was a Literature major in college, and one pretty much obsessed with Modernism, so I would describe myself as such. But there’s more to this book than that.

Sawyer-Laucanno’s writing centers around one question: why has this poet made such a lasting impression on the our literary canon? There are smaller, supplemental questions, too. Why is it so hard to imitate his work? To what extent was he a political poet?

I found this book readable in terms of both biography and literary criticism (no obscure literary terms). The part I probably enjoyed the most was reading up on his high school through Master’s degree education, because I found it fascinating to understand the material that influenced the young writer. Second most enjoyable was watching some of my favorite poems take shape through drafts.

The best way to end the review seems to be in the poet’s own words: his life and work is worth remembering.

in time of daffodils(who know
the goal of living is to grow)
forgetting why,remember how

in time of lilacs who proclaim
the aim of waking is to dream,
remember so(forgetting seem)

in time of roses(who amaze
our now and here with paradise)
forgetting if,remember yes

in time of all sweet things beyond
whatever mind may comprehend,
remember seek(forgetting find)

and in a mystery to be
(when time from time shall set us free)
forgetting me,remember me

So many people I chat with seem to be going through a tough time at work these days. It seems only appropriate to reference Gloria Estefan (well, that seems appropriate to me more than you’d think) and talk about how to turn your beat around.

One of my friends thinks the key is to grab on to a sense of perspective: ”If someone is yelling at you because their coffee is 100 degrees instead of 102 degrees, then you have to realize that they are an idiot. That kind of thing you should let roll off of you. Realize that only a miserable human with their own set of issues would take the time to focus so negatively on minuscule things like that.”

Another usually sets rewards for herself, and focuses on what’s on the other side of her heinous day: the gym, Trader Joe’s, and a straight-to-Disney-channel TV movie usually does it for her: “The way I see it, it’s all about balance. If you’re going through a shitty time at work (or in any other part of your life that you don’t have much control over), work as hard as you can on making everything else ideal. Give yourself something to look forward to at the end of the day that will help you forget about the stress and ridiculous bullshit that’s taking place. Ideally, all of that fun and positivity will help to counteract the negativity going on at work. I think you’ll find that work days and weeks go by a lot quicker if you have fun things to look forward to on your nights and weekends.”

Here are some more things to consider:

• Identify the problem, and try to solve it as quickly as possible.
• Leave if you can. Just go.
• Hit the gym, take a walk, climb the stairs, do some push-ups—just get the tension out of your muscles.
• Fantasize about things you enjoy. Spend time working out a new recipe for muffins in your head, think about the new books you’ll pick out at the library, look forward to meeting friends for a late-night sauna.
• Decide you are not going to let your circumstances bother you. Take pride in your ability to “get things done” regardless.
• Try and look at things in a different way. If someone else is driving you insane, can you find a way to understand things from their angle? Does it help?
• Fire up your music, loud.
• Lean on a friend. This is especially great if it’s not your roommate, so that when you get home your venting is already done.

Final tip? Do something nice for someone else. Share your best tips to reverse your worst days in the comments.

Alternate title: Cooking is Hard, and Sarcasm is Fun

Hannah McCouch’s Girl Cook is the story  of frustrated (professionally, romantically) Layla Mitchner. The story follows her days at her restaurant job, where she works hard but never gets promoted beyond fixing the salads because she’s a woman. She also dates a guy that won’t “promote” her to his girlfriend. And instead of being one of those characters that fantasizes about her fabulous future life, she focuses on mentally slicing everyone that pisses her off. She’s sarcastic, and it’s hilarious.

This book goes fast, has a grain of truth to it (it actually is hard to be a female cook in a restaurant kitchen), and winds up with a feel-good ending.

It won’t change your life, but it will get you through a couple of hours in the doctor’s waiting room.

Alternate Title: What is Love? Baby, Don’t Hurt Me.

This book came out years ago and I’d always meant to read it. I remember one day I chose between it and The Kite Runner to take on a plane trip, because, well, it was a few dollars cheaper or some other silly reason. I’d heard good things from everyone who’d picked it up, but I was afraid it wouldn’t live up to the hype. So I read Cosmo’s “Beach Reads” and The Virgin Suicides a few more times and biographies of e.e. cummings, all the while kind of cranky I hadn’t read a really interesting, new book in awhile. Well, I finally sat down and read Audrey Niffenegger’s The Time Traveler’s Wife, and was blown away, just like everyone said I would be.

Honestly, you don’t even need to read my review. Just pick this one up.

The love story of Henry and Clare DeTamble takes up the entirety of the book. Henry can’t stay in the same place and the same time. Other than that the circumstances are the ordinary ones of marriage and family. Niffenegger unfurls the plot with controlled slowness, taking you on her meditative journey on what makes love last. Relax, though, it’s a pleasant sort of sweeping away.

One of my writing teachers used to go on about the importance of “making the world strange” (I’m pretty sure that’s a paraphrased E.M. Forster-ism). If by “strange” one means to make the ordinary new, then this book certainly accomplishes the goal. Supposing that, like me, you’ve been waiting far too long to read this book, put it on your weekend to-do list.

These amazing molasses spice cookies, from Pittsburgh Needs Eated, by way of Tastespotting, are a must-bake. I am obsessed with only 2 categories of desserts: chocolate things, and pumpkin/molasses/spice/ginger things. These cookies are the latter category, and will satisfy you long after the fall or holiday spice season has passed.

To give you a barometer, I made two batches on the first weekend I tried these out because they were that good.

I’ve made these plain and also topped with a maple glaze. To make the glaze, just throw a cup or so of powdered sugar in a bowl and mix in enough real maple syrup until it’s spreadable and delicious. You can do this with lemon, vanilla, peppermint, etc., to make all the cookie or glazes of your dreams.

Alternate Title: We’re 30, Shouldn’t we Have Success/Men/Babies/Real Friends?

Chasing Harry Winston by Lauren Weisberger covers a period in the lives of three best friends: Leigh, Emmy, and Adriana. The group decides that since they’re in their 30s and unfulfilled, they are going to take steps to shake up their lives. They place some bets. Here’s a quick summary:

• Leigh is the neurotic, career-woman one (aka “Miranda”). She is going to get rid of her perfect boyfriend. 
• Emmy is the baby-and-marriage-focused, dates dysfunctional guys one (aka “Charlotte”). She is going to sleep around and stop focusing on falling in love.
• Adriana is the rich slutty one (aka “Samantha”). She is going to get married.

Ever since The Devil Wears Prada, I’ve read Lauren Weisberger’s books, hoping for the same genius of her first bit hit. I read Everyone Worth Knowing and thought, “Well, not every work can be as good as the original.” I picked up Chasing Harry Winston with high hopes, hoping Weisberger had picked up her stride again. Unfortunately, this book did not make a huge impact with me. The women were such archetypes that their struggles weren’t really interesting to me. They also didn’t seem like true supportive friends. For example, Adriana can’t be in a conversation without all the attention on her. Leigh won’t talk about herself. Emmy is so jealous of the other two she can’t stand it.

Ultimately, all three women tidily achieve not what they set out to, but what they truly needed. This was the highlight of the book for me. The characters all went on a journey of sorts to a better self, which was gratifying to follow. I felt empty by the end of the book, wishing that the romances, the careers, the families, or the friendships of these women had held my interest.

Read this from the library while you’re waiting for a girls’ night at your apartment to begin, and cultivate gratitude for your friends. Read this if you enjoyed Candace Bushnell’s books (I didn’t). Or if you haven’t yet, read The Devil Wears Prada instead.